The day was amazing, full of sunshine and Indian summer-like hot. I got off at the bus stop that reminded me of school years. Kicking autumn leaves and chestnuts away I was getting closer to my old home. I felt seventeen again, the only thing missing was a cigarette between my lips. Seems like I haven‘t changed at all – a hoodie, jeans, light jacket, backpack on my back, and sneakers, of course, just this time they were pretty worn and walked in through a lot of Asia.

‘You don‘t look like a 35-years old woman, at all’, my Mom couldn‘t believe her eyes. ‘More like a schoolgirl…’, she took a breath. ‘Oh my God, I‘m twice as old as you right now…’, her voice was calm, but you could see in her eyes, that her mind drifted somewhere far away.

Next week, this thought of ‘Age’ started following me everywhere.

How should the ‘twice as young’ woman look like???

But the problem is that I don‘t feel my age! Sometimes I cry like a 3-years old, other times I still get wasted like a teenager, but still, some of my thoughts are of a wise person…

Now, my mom‘s ‘twice as big’ number, for me meant peace and the beginning of something new.

My age… My age sounds more like a dial number to me and I‘m being serious. When a mailman attempts to deliver letters, the first things he does - dial a number on the intercom pad. Who will answer or let him in, he doesn‘t know. It could be a charming female voice, an old grandma or teenager, a child, or anyone who‘s home alone. Exactly, someone (something) who‘s home alone. Maybe a dog (the one that always keeps waiting), a cat (the one that always wants to get out and walk on the roofs), or maybe a parrot (the one that keeps repeating how she needs to get skinny). Yes, that home alone, that represents a bit of chaos.

I‘ve read somewhere about the propositions to change the age. So, age is a level of a kind. It sounds like to reach the 100, there‘s still a lot to do. Mine sounds like still the beginning but it feels like you already know what you‘re doing. How level 35 should look like?

And maybe, when the importance of age will disappear, so will the importance of clothes and all of us will have to wear plain tracksuits like in fantasy films. So scary.

Photo by Agne Vei



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